I teach to my students that it is unacceptable to become involved with magick that harms another or takes away a person’s free will. But some magick is not white, yet it is not black. It falls in between. I have three stories for you today, of when the choices we make fall into the gray area. I have only shared these stories with two other people. In many ways, I am ashamed. I keep them hidden. On this path, we need to seek awareness. I share these stories with the hope that you can learn something from them, as I have.
8 years ago, when I was in high school, a good friend of mine was engaged to a football player. Cassie was top of her class, good at playing the clarinet…an officer in the marching band even…and very active in drama club. She was also on the track team. She was a well-rounded individual. Overtime, she became involved with another member of the track team…Greg. This guy was a first class player. And I’m not talking sportsmanship. Not only was he known for his many sexual partners…but he probably was not clean. Why my friend was interested in him, I had no idea. “Hey Cassie…let’s not see this guy. You’re engaged…and Greg is dirty.” Maybe it was the bad boy image. Who knows.
So, logic and common sense haven’t worked. I told Greg to get lost, but that didn’t work either. I was kind of a shrimp in high school. Matt, a member of my study circle, and I decided to cast a binding spell, fearing that our friend had tumbled down a dark path that would only lead to the ruin of the life that she had worked so hard for.
Now, binding spells fall into that gray area. I teach my students that these kinds of spells are in the black end of the magickal spectrum. They typically seek to bind or stop a person from a certain action. This doesn’t fit into the white witch image. We don’t control other people. AND inexperienced we were. I hadn’t yet figured out the differences between black and white magick. I was under the impression that there was a clear line. Also…I did not understand at the time that each person faces challenges in his or her life, that these challenges must be met, and each individual has their own lessons to learn.
However, Matt and I were able to cast our spell in a way that limited the controlling aspect of the spell. With an apple, some mint, a skewer, and a piece of paper with our intent written onto it, we cast a spell that would bind Greg from hurting Cassie. Then, we buried it in my backyard and waited. As it decomposed, the magick would wield itself. Two days later, antsy about our first spell, Matt and I checked the yard. The place that we buried the skewered apple was completely covered with grass. Confused, we dug up the earth, but the apple was gone.
A few days later, I was disappointed when there was an away track meet, and Cassie seemed as if her and Greg were not letting up. Two weeks later, Greg was going steady with another girl, leaving Cassie with her fiancé. Interfering with Cassie and Greg may have set her up for the many other bad-boy types she would eventually run off with, her lesson unlearned.
My next story does not have an honorable outcome. When I was 17, I had been deep into magickal study and workings for months. I had also just moved in with my father. When I’d live with my dad, there were a couple of months where everything would be great between us. We’d go shopping, make dinner, and sit in the rockers on the porch…watching the sun go down. Then, out of no where my dad would get weird. He’d do silly parent things…like tell me I had a midnight curfew, then get mad when I showed up at 11:45pm…saying that I should have been home at 10pm. His logic was that even though my curfew was til midnight, I should be home at 10pm. My logic was that if he wanted me home at 10pm, then he should tell me that my curfew is 10pm. Then, I’d come home at 10pm.
I owned a car, and because of the trouble between him and my mom, he wouldn’t allow me to keep it with me while I lived with him. So, I had to use one of his cars while I lived there. It was not a problem, because he made a career change, preferring to drive a truck, and make cross-country runs. On one Friday evening, he was headed to Wisconsin from our home in Ohio. I called him to tell him that I had a coffee date, and that I was taking the car down the street for a few hours, but I’d be back early. He told me that I couldn’t. That I’d used the car too much that week for school and work. He told me that I should stay home for a change. I went ballistic. Yeah, I went to school…top 10 percent in my high school class…and I worked my butt off, but when I wanted one evening for myself, I wasn’t allowed to take the car.
I got so mad that I cast a spell that my dad would be away for a few days. I buried it in the yard. I took the car out anyway. I felt that I deserved a night for myself. The next day, my dad didn’t come home when he should have. I got a phone call from him later, telling me that he was in a hospital in Illinois. He couldn’t make the drive, because it turns out that he had an ulcer that gave him horrible stomach pains the night before. He didn’t know until that day that he had an ulcer. He also said that he’d be home in a few days. After the phone call, I immediately ran to the yard and dug up the spell that I had cast. It was gone.
The lesson from this experience…watch what you wish for. It just may come true. Spells can be tricky things. Though the spell that I cast was not a bad spell, it wielded bad results, unbeknownst to me. The outcome that I really wanted would have required a much more complicated spell.
This next magickal experience occurred not so long ago…a year and a half…maybe. I dated a guy who cheated on me with my friend Jane, hid his relationship with Jane from everyone for 7 months, cheated on Jane with me, and then pulled a one-night stand with my good friend Amy. Icing on the cake was what he did to one of the girls who was crazy about him for years. While I was dating him, he took the virginity of this girl, and then told her that they would be together. He knew that she was head over heels for him, and then he never called her.
This guy was a scumbag…and it all started when he cheated on me. He was a very nice guy for many years before that. Quiet, shy…I was his second ever girlfriend. I didn’t want him to hurt other people the way he had hurt us. However, at this time in my life, I had figured out the difference between black and white magick. But I didn’t care. I was so angry. He needed to know that we would be there watching and waiting. He needed to be taught a lesson. So, I spelled a clay coin that I made just for the occasion. I was going to give it to him with the promise that he wasn’t going to be able to get away with a clean conscious. That every girl he dated would do to him what he did to us. Times 4. This was good magick, right? I was helping other girls, wasn’t I?
I waited for him one night at the house of a mutual friend. It got late and I went home. The next day, I woke up. I realized that I was about to cast a spell on someone else and that this was not apart of my ethics. It was magick done for revenge, which is not good magick. I would take what was due back to me. Three times bad and three times good. Distraught, I folded the unused coin up into a black cloth and stashed it at the bottom of my altar chest, before I could dispose of it properly. Two weeks later, I went looking for it. I pulled out the cloth. No coin. I searched all through my altar. No coin. No one else knew about it. It too had disappeared.
Intense feelings can cloud judgment and lead to irrational actions. From these experiences, I have learned that spells are iffy creations. You do a spell for one thing, and you can get a completely unwanted result. I have also learned that you can’t take them back. I have grown aware that some of my intense feelings can lead to the desire to use magick. Bad idea. Magick requires a clear head, even if you want it to mend your heart or help ease your mind on the path.
I have had many, many other pleasant magickal experiences. These are just the stories of negative experiences existing in the grey area that I have learned from.
